It just felt right. I know, everyone has a tattoo. It’s hardly even worth a mention these days let alone radical. Maybe it was on the bucket list of my subconscious or maybe I just wanted to shock myself and do my own version of teenage rebellion twenty five years too late, but I knew I wanted it.
But what? No rash decisions. Nothing too trendy or current. It’s an enormous commitment so it has to be right. I knew where- on the right of my lower back where I can touch it and catch a glimpse of it in the mirror, but I didn’t know what.
Ever since my big moment where it all became so obvious, I’ve come to connect with the symbolism of snowdrops. It was that time of year after all when it all happened. They push through the snow in the bleak times, green shoots signalling the end of the struggle and the relief of the springtime ahead. Pure, simple, unassuming, and perfect.
I googled. Lots of images that just didn’t work. I don’t want to walk round for the rest of my life with a random bunch of flowers sprouting from my backside. And then there it was. Stylised into a figure of eight hinting at infinity, two snowdrops entwined like a celtic knot, like two women holding each other in close embrace. As soon as I saw it I knew.
I found one of the best studios in London. I had a consultation then waited a month. Cooling off time. But I was sure.
It’s something I never thought I’d do and it’s incredibly meaningful. The process was painful but yet so much of this has been. The pain was cathartic and made sense. The snowdrops signify that this is me, my achievement that I own, my new life, and the start of my renewal – my own springtime. The mark is physical for those I choose to show . I am the same outwardly – they are always hidden- but for those closest, they can see I’m different forever.
And unexpectedly, a few weeks later i realised that looking at them from a distance, instead of two snowdrops, I can see a dancer, arms above her head in celebration and the joy of the moment. I love that.
You can call it my mid life crisis if you like. But every once in a while I get a glimpse of my girls in the mirror and I smile and smile.